Of Nargles and Beautiful Girls
by revolution rae
Summary: Sometimes, you just need someone to listen. A collection of FreeVerse ranging from Minerva McGonagall to Luna Lovegood.
1. picture perfect

**disclaimer: **All rights go to the lovely JKR.  
**character: **luna lovegood

**an. **edited 12.18.11

* * *

_(stop it; can't you see you're scaring her?)_

only once have you heard those words,  
only one time in your five years at  
hogwarts school of witchcraft & wizardry  
has another student cared enough  
to protect you.

because you, you're  
_loony lovegood._

you're a fixture at this school,  
another odd quirk  
just like the vanishing staircase,  
or the blank tapestry on the second floor,  
or the nargles in the Great Hall.

but o n c e,  
once in third year,  
a boy from gryffindor tried to help you.

(he reminded you of a  
thestral: dark, beautiful,  
invisible to the untrained eye.)

a crowd of silly children.  
_(gryffindor, ravenclaw, hufflepuff, slytherin.  
who knows where they thought they belonged?  
it's so hard to tell the difference, these days.)_

they surrounded you and began taunting you  
rocks were thrown,  
wands were pointed and hair was pulled  
and your face was scratched, scratched

you were ready to s c r e a m  
(for the first time)**  
**because it hurt and you were scared  
and then _he_ came.

**Colin Creevey.  
****Colin Christopher Creevey.**

the most beautiful boy you know;  
and he kept you from forgetting  
about the fairy tale.


	2. fate vs society

**disclaimer: **'tis jkr's.  
**unpairing: **dramione

**an. **edited 12.18.11

* * *

maybe it's the way you tuck your  
**ugly**((perfect))**frizzy**((sexy))**messy  
**hair behind your unpierced ears,  
whenever you're concentrating _so hard_ on a book,  
the way he half-wishes you'd concentrate on him.

or maybe it's the way you stand with a hand on your hip,  
your _ordinary_ brown eyes smoldering and dangerous  
as you **scream** at the weasley traitor  
or whoever else pissed you off  
this time.

so, maybe it's the way you laugh,  
one pale hand covering your wide-open mouth,  
unintentionally passionate,  
undeniably adorable.

because he _knows_ it can't be your surface.  
(everyone knows that Granger girl is ugly, ugly, ugly.)  
and it certainly isn't your family-  
you've got the muddiest blood he's ever  
had the misfortune to meet.

but he can't get you off his mind, hermione.  
what did you _do_ to that poor boy?  
he thinks about you all the time, and it's  
_t/e/a/r/i/n/g_ him up insid.,  
cause he can never have you,  
he's not even allowed to want you.

and you. as you sit there in potions,  
you're supposed to be so smart? you can't even see the way he  
looks at you, stares at you, needing you to notice.  
and you never even think to _glance._

that poor, _poor_ rich boy,  
he sees you and his breath (_ca tch es)_ in his throat.  
but to you, he's not even human,  
he's just a _slytherin_, just another _pureblood._

racism goes both ways, honey.  
have you ever given him  
a second glance? even a first?

and he thinks you're just so beautiful,  
you're everything he's ever imagined and more.

but he can never tell you.  
and you, _you will never ask_.


	3. addiction

**disclaimer: **as usual, it isn't mine.  
**pairing: **marlene/sirius, one-sided

**an. **edited 12.18.11

* * *

drawn to you in all yourlies,  
&& i can't escape this feeling,  
this, this _craving.  
_the need to touch your pale_pale_ skin,  
run my fingers through your messy hair.

xXx

sirius orion black.  
they tell me to stay away from you, sirius.  
they say you're a shagger, they say you're  
addicted to the _silkysmooth_ skin of pretty girls.

xXx

any girl, any woman  
as long as she's beautiful.  
and i'm not, most definitely not  
so i can never have you.

xXx

because i'm just me,  
just marlene,  
nothing special. strong/sexy/smart, maybe,  
but not beautiful, not feminine.  
nothing **y o u **would ever want.

xXx

so why do you talk to me, sirius?  
why do you look at me, sirius?  
and sirius, why do you _insist_ on breaking my heart?


	4. so ask her

**disclaimer: **i'm a teenager living in the usa. like _i'm _going to have the rights to harry potter.  
**pairing: **viktor/hermione

**an. **edited 12.18.11

* * *

you've had girls before:  
**dancers**&&**athletes**&&**artists  
**faceless, beautiful, safe.  
(meaningless.)

this one, though, she's  
_something else altogether_.  
average, for certain,  
always with her nose in a book.

**("she probably doesn't even like Quidditch, Viktor")  
**_("you should go for someone prettier, Viktor")  
_all your friends think you are  
insane, absolutely insane.

somehow they don't see it:  
that this one is different.  
that this one is real.

they don't see that this girl?  
she's the one who's _worth it._


	5. fallen goddess

**disclaimer: **you know the drill, i make no profit, i do this of my own free will, jkr has no idea... etc.  
**unpairing: **albus/minerva

**an. **edited 12.18.11

* * *

twenty-three and just a little out of place  
(in _way_ over your head, to be more precise.)  
trying to teach these teenagers  
how to control`themselves,  
their magic.

and some of them, you even  
went to school with, only a  
few short years ago.  
oh, and it gets worse, love.

because you let yourself fall,  
(f-f-_fall,)_  
for a man forty years older than you, for _merlin's_ sake,  
a man who (literally,) can never be interested in you.  
(oh, he's more likely to fall for your older brother.)

oh, minerva.  
you're supposed to be the goddess, aren't you?  
of wisdom and warriors, no less.

"the smartest gryffindor i ever knew."_  
_he said it right to your face.  
but you're not so smart, are you, not so brave.  
first you fell, and then you tried to run  
away from what he said.

(what he said: "if only, if only."  
"if i only could love you, you know i would."  
"if i only could love you.")

(what you answered: "it's not your fault, don't worry."  
but you thought: "i will never be enough for anybody.")

...

_("if i only could love you")_


	6. collision

**disclaimer: **not mine  
**pairing: **molly/arthur (one of the most significantly under-rated canon pairings, imo.)

**an. **edited 12.18.11.

* * *

little miss _i-don't-think-so_,  
little miss _another-time, another-place.  
_you never quite had it in you, did you?  
the desire to love someone else.

cause you, darling, you just wanted to flirt.  
with your _fire_ hair and your _choc__olate_eyes.  
you were always a little too strong for most guys,  
a little too brave.

oh, they liked the curves and the lips.  
but they didn't _really_ want to stay with you. cause you're  
a gryffindor to the _core_, **mollydear.**

but then _he _came along,  
with the _redder_ hair, the sparkling eyes,  
forever talking about  
muggles & mischief & mystery  
and he reached for your hand and said  
_((i don't care if you don't want me, i'm never gonna leave you.))_

s _you_ smiled, and _he_ laughed  
and you snuck around,  
and you danced and you kissed and you blushed.

and so here you are, both of you, just  
loving & loving & _loving_.  
and you're always going to be  
"**molly_&_**_arthur_"_  
_cause this, this is love.

and this,  
this is the beginning of_ forever_.


	7. to be seen

**disclaimer: **it. isn't. mine. get over it.  
**pairing: **cho & oh-nameless-one.  
**narrator: **could be taken as any ravenclaw, but written with luna in mind.

**an. **edited 12.18.11.

* * *

surround yourself with laughter, dear.  
but_ i see you_.  
i see it, every single day,  
the way you stare into space,  
your beautiful eyes empty and red.  
_i see you,_ Cho Chang.

oh, what could be hurting you so?  
fourteen years old, you are,  
and ever so young to be this old.  
but Cho, you're the most ancient girl i've ever met.

even as you flirt and play and work,  
i can tell that something is inside of you,  
burrowing under your lovely skin.  
something big, something bad.

i see it on the quidditch pitch, as you race for the snitch,  
faster/faster/_faster,  
_always needing to win.

is it that _boy_, darling?  
boys are so vastly overrated.  
and i heard him, one day in the hall,  
yelling at you,  
calling you _stupid/slow/ugly/traitor_.  
all because he saw you with cedric diggory,  
asking about charms and potions.

why did you let him do that, Cho Chang?  
why do you let him drag you down?  
you could fly so far, so fast,  
if you'd only leave him on the ground.  
but as soon as you take off,  
you glance back at him, _("just once, i swear")  
_and you're caught up yet again.

there are many things i see, Cho,  
including you.  
but i will nevernever see  
why you don't leave him.


	8. fear of abandonment

**disclaimer: **all rights go to the brilliant jkr.  
**character: **ginny.

**an. **edited 12.18.11.

* * *

she flipped her **blood-red** hair,  
laughed l o u d and c l e a r at his jokes.

(does it really matter _who,_ Ginevra? cause it's all about the _feeling_.)


	9. liar

**disclaimer: **all rights go to the brilliant jkr.  
**character: **severus snape

**an. **edited 12.18.11

* * *

i never _loved_ you, lily, i swear it.  
on my worthless life, i swear it.  
i only kind of liked you.

**_(liar/liar/lover.)_**

you were just _you.  
_just something beautiful i remembered  
from my ugly past  
and i used to think that mattered,  
but it doesn't, _doesn't_.  
it _cannot_.

**_(you're a liar, severus snape.)  
_****_(liar, liar, liar.)_**


	10. monster in the mirror

**Disclaimer: **all rights go to the brilliant JKR.

**Character: **written with remus lupin in mind. could go along with any werewolf, though.

**an. **slightly edited. 01.21.12.

* * *

**( **surrounded **)  
**by your brilliant/popular/funny friends  
you should be happy  
but you are alone, alone.

X

they are _sunshine_ and _joy_ and _carefree days by the lake._  
while you, you are bound by the night,  
forever held captive by the shape of the moon.

X

you tag**along**, hoping to feel like you  
maybe belong _(just a little bit)  
_but you never can, never will  
(you knew all along this would happen if you dared  
to show your scruffy face here at hogwarts)

X

just like home -  
everyone thinks you're one of them,  
but you're really still _a l o n e  
_abandoned amongst the crowd.

X

_werewolf._


	11. different

**Disclaimer: **it's still JKR's, just like every other time i post a story.

**Character**: Merope Gaunt. (voldemort's mother, for those of you who haven't read the books...)

**an. **edited, 01.21.12

* * *

they say you're the result of  
_"inbred monsters."  
_"freak."

and there are days you see it,  
why they say those hurtful things.

but other times, you think they  
_must_ be wrong.  
because you're not like _them_ -  
you are not your father, your brother.  
you don't think the same way _they_ do,

as they weave their snakelike words around you,  
venom dripping, infecting your mind,  
your soul,  
your very being.

but darling, there's one thing they can never reach -  
your heart, your beautiful heart.  
because _you_, you can feel that  
deliciously tragic thing known as "love."

(and yes, you freely admit,  
it started as _obsession._)

the thought of lust, danger, escape.  
in the beginning, you had no idea  
of what this _thing_ would eventually become.  
no, you simply saw his ice-cold face,  
the future he could give you  
if he were only so infatuated.

but when you ran away together _(alone)  
_you finally learned what "love" really is.  
you learned to "love" him for it all.

(his passion, his smirk, his laughter.  
the way he liked to eat ice cream at _twothirty_ on sunday nights.  
your first kiss...  
and your last kiss.)

(you even "loved" the way his eyes looked,  
so panicked and disgusted,  
when you set him free of you  
and he ran away.)

and that, darling, is why you are not -  
_not -_**_  
_**and never_ever_ will be  
a monster.


	12. missing you

**Disclaimer:** JKR owns it:)

**A/N: **companion piece to a challenge piece, _broken trust_.

**Pairing: **Blaise/Parvati

**an. **edited 01.21.12

* * *

("just who do you think you are, blaise bloody zabini?")  
i screamed at him, s c r e a m e d till my throat was raw  
and my eyes were dry again.  
("you bastard, you disgusting liar!")  
i used words that i have _never_ before said  
and will _never_ say again.

X

i stood on the _ice-cold_ quidditch pitch  
waiting for him, w a i t i n g for two lonely hours,  
because i didn't want to prove them right.

X

they all swore he was going to hurt me,  
leave me bro-_ken_ on the floor  
pieces of my heart_(hope)_ scattered around me.  
and i laughed at them, i told them  
("he would never do that to me.")  
i told them he loved me.

X

but he _said_ he loved me.  
oh, god,  
_i shouldn't have believed him._

X

well, blaise, i learned my goddamn lesson -  
no more dating out-of-house for me,  
because slytherins are all liars after all.

X

(but you want to know the truth, blaise?  
i'll never tell you, never tell padma or lavender or dean or _anybody_,  
but the truth is, blaise, that i m i s s you...  
and i will never stop loving you.)


	13. free

**Disclaimer:** All rights go to JKR.

**character: **hermione granger.

**an. **edited 01.21.12.

* * *

- reason.  
- reality.  
- responsibility.

these three words have ruled your life.  
eleven lonely years  
of being **practical**.

- reason.  
- reality.  
- responsibility.

and you hate it, baby, _hate_ it.  
always shooting down your own dreams,  
just so no one else has the chance to.

- reason.  
- reality.  
- responsibility.

you ignore those quiet little events  
_**(** the clothes that mend themselves,  
the mirror that never broke even though you threw it **)  
**_and you pretend they never happened.

because it doesn't make _sense_.

- reason.  
- reality.  
- responsibility.

and then one day,  
you get the letter.  
at first you don't believe it  
_(cause what if it isn't true?)  
_but then you trust it  
and you escape the cage of **facts **& **logic  
**that has always held you back

and darling, _that_ is when your life begins.


	14. seer

**Disclaimer: **All rights go the the wonderful JKR.

**Character:** Cassandra Trelawney

**an. **reformatted 01.21.12

* * *

i **See** it all, whether i want to or not.  
i See smoke**&**flames**&**death  
pain**&**torture**&**misery.  
but they never believe me; they think i am _insane_.

and who knows? perhaps i even am...  
how could i not be, with all that i have Seen?  
all that i have been forced to See.

always the same ugly vision:  
he takes the world into the palm of his hand  
and c r u s h e s it.  
the most evil man the world will know  
and i don't know how to prevent it  
because they won't believe me.


	15. don't listen

**Disclaimer: **All rights go the the wonderful JKR.

**Character: **Parvati Patil

**an. **edited 01.21.12

* * *

and they're only _words_, darling  
useless - meaningless - overrated.  
w o r d s .

just because they say he doesn't love you (**anymore**)  
that doesn't mean it's _true. _right?  
just because he yells sometimes,  
says things that hurt you.  
he's just a little angry, just a little fiery.  
(& isn't he just _always?_)

just because he looks at other girls,  
you shouldn't jump to those fatal conclusions.  
because you know, you could be wrong.  
you've messed things up before.  
(**seamus; ****blaise.**)  
thinking you knew what they were doing  
when really you were _wrong_.

so don't listen to that, don't let them tell you  
that "_he never loved you anyway_."  
don't listen to the little voice in your head  
saying you were_ "never enough for someone so empty."  
_just try a little harder, sugar, & you can fix this.

**( **and you were always just so _colorful_.  
everyone expected you to end up with someone  
lovely and smart and kind and good. **)  
****( **but you, you fell for something else altogether -  
something dangerous and strong and proud  
something maybe scary  
but you fell all the same and you know he loves you **)  
****(** cause he said so **)**

so come on, pretty girl  
hold it together a little longer.  
cause you can _f i x_ this.


	16. not really a temper tantrum

**Disclaimer: **i'm never going to own it.

**Character: **petunia evans dursley

* * *

and you just can't keep your **goddamned** mouth shut,

can you, petunia?

lily was born the redhead - but _you_ got the temper.

X

you have to make that one comment - point out that one thing -

even when you should know better.

and once the fight starts, oh it's bloody _on_.

X

you know just how to hurt them, just what to say,

just how to make it worse than it has to be.

you feel yourself approaching that l i n e

but instead of stopping short

you barrel on, full speed ahead, _baby_.

X

you push them to the breaking point.

you know you're doing it but somehow you

_just can't stop_.

X

and then later you look in that mirror

and **hate** what you see staring back.

X

mean and cold and strong,

all sharp edges and dagger eyes.

X

but deep down inside that ugly soul,

you can see the broken pieces -

the _loneliness_, the _anger_&_fear_&_hurt_

threatening to spill out with your tears.

X

and maybe that's why do it.

maybe somewhere inside your twisted self,

you think no one else deserves to be happy,

because you spent your entire life jealous and lonely.

X

but don't condemn yourself, sweet girl;;

we all have our faults.

yours are just a little harder to hide...


	17. extra

**Disclaimer: **it's still jkr's, it will ALWAYS be hers, so quit suing me:)

**Character:** Penelope Clearwater

**A/N**: i have no idea if penelope has siblings, but i needed someone who did. so i made it up:)

* * *

i have two younger brothers and two older sisters and yes,

that puts me _right_ in the middle,

perfectly average, perfectly invisible.

and perfectly _alone_.

~8~

derek and randall have each other;

they run around and play,

and tell each other secrets and hide from storms

and build forts together every weekend.

~8~

and marissa and serenity have each other;

they play quidditch

&cook&sing

and have private jokes and understand each other.

~8~

but me, i don't have anyone.

two's company, but three's a crowd.

and i know that they don't want me tagging along.

why would they? i'm just another sister,

the extra.

~8~

my parents wanted two boys and two girls -

a perfect number.

~8~

yes, i'm just the extra, the accident, the unspectacular.

so i accept it and i spend as little time as i can with them,

i refuse to force my company on them.

~8~

instead i lock myself in my room

or meet up with percy

or i visit my friends.

~8~

and one day, when we sit around a kitchen table

and tell stories of childhood

i will be the one with nothing to contribute.

~8~

they'll have stories of

games&dances&laughter

and i will not participate;

i will sit silent and smiling,

pretending i remember those stories.

~8~

but i _won't_.


	18. to be a quiet hero

**Disclaimer: **it's still JKR's, just like every other time i post a story.

**Character**: Madame Poppy Pomfrey

**A/N:** for marrissa gnokawitz. hope you like it:)

**A/N 2:** feel free to give requests. i can't promise i'll be able to write them, but i'll certainly true:)

* * *

i was sorted into ravenclaw, back when i was at school

and i belonged there;

i was **smart**&**creative**&**determined**,

and i knew how to get where i wanted to go.

x

because me, i have always wanted to s a v e people,

people who can't s a v e themselves.

x

and so i became a healer,

but rather than going to st. mungo's

where there are rules and regulations about who you can rescue,

i came back to my home - hogwarts.

x

and these children come to me,

scared;; broken;; hopeless.

and they ask me to help them.

x

i clean their wounds, heal their broken bones.

i do everything i can for them,

and usually it is enough.

x

but it breaks my heart to be here

because sometimes i cannot save them.

x

there are times when i heal a student's body

and they smile and thank me.

but they are still not w h o l e the way i want them to be.

something inside of them is wrong,

and there is nothing, no way to fix them;;

they have to fix themselves.


	19. save your smile for me

_dear jkr,_

could you please send me the paperwork granting me the rights to harry potter? thanks.

_yours very truly, _

_rae_

**p.s.:** **disclaimer: **she hasn't answered yet.

**pairing(kindof): **astoria/pansy

**note:** well, i've never really written femmeslash before. but i wanted to try it out. how did i do?

* * *

strategic skin bared to the world  
slow smile spreading  
seductive over your lush lips...

astoria, **dear**, i hate to tell you  
but this isn't the way to do it,  
this isn't how you catch a man.  
take it from me; i would know.  
i've had all the worst kinds of attention  
from the crueler gender  
and i've learned how to give them what they want.

yes, that's me -  
**"**pansy parkinson, slut of the century**"  
**but what they don't understand  
when they giggle at my reputation  
is that _i'm_ the one who gets the last laugh.

cause i'm using those poor boys,  
using them like they think they're using me.  
cause i never really wanted them in the first place  
never really cared for muscles**&**noise**&**fists.  
or for those other, extra body parts  
(if you catch my drift.)

no, astoria, i'm the one who wins when they  
are in my room at night  
**skin**to**skin**, lips jumbling together.

cause i prefer  
soft, gentle hands  
words**&**curves**&**smiles  
smiles like _yours_.

so, **sweetie**, cover your shoulders,  
stop wasting your beautiful smile on boys  
who won't notice anything except your body, anyway.

and open your eyes,  
and look at _me_.

cause i'm here, waiting,  
waiting for you.


	20. victim

_dear jkr,_

could you please send me the paperwork granting me the rights to harry potter? thanks.

_yours very truly, _

_rae_

**p.s.:** **disclaimer: **she hasn't answered yet.

**character: **daphne greengrass

* * *

**(stop. stop. pleasestop_stop_)  
**she screamed as he pushed her down,  
as he cut her wings.  
as he broke her  
the way she didn't know  
anyone could be broken.

and he wouldn't stop.  
he wouldn't disappear,  
wouldn't listen.  
and he was so strong,  
his big hand covering her mouth,  
his other hand -  
_(ohgod, don't think about it)_

it isn't supposed to happen, is it?  
isn't that only in books?  
isn't that just a  
horror story, to keep little girls  
from talking to strangers?

but she wasn't a little girl**;;  
**she was big and strong and brave  
and she was already fourteen  
old enough to babysit astoria  
old enough to love storms.

but young still,  
naive enough to think  
he loved her  
like she loved him  
but if he loved her,  
he wouldn't have done that.  
right?  
right?

she should have been more careful  
and if she had been  
she wouldn't have these  
nightmares full of  
blood**&&**men**&&**torn_shirts_.

she would still be safe, still be  
confident  
in the world that  
she used to love,  
the life she used  
to live  
still be safe and funny

she wouldn't flinch  
when she saw the man who  
claimed to be her family.

and she wouldn't be  
dark and depressed  
she wouldn't drink alcohol.

if she had been more careful,  
she would be young and  
bright and happy  
like she used to be.

**((but i didn't know...))**


	21. on top of the world

**disclaimer: **not mine.

**character: **lily evans

**a/n:** written for flyawaylynn.

* * *

well they say that  
what goes _up_ must always go back  
_down._

and **lilygirl**, you're so high up,  
on top of the world,  
i sometimes think that you're gonna  
have to **c r a s h** pretty fucking hard.

you're so beautiful -  
so smart**&&**funny**&&**loved  
you've got all the guys after you, lily

you get those _outstanding_ grades,  
and you've got beautiful friends  
and your laughter is just so charming.

and i think you're happy  
when i see you smile  
i'm almost sure you're happy.  
but that can't be good...

cause if all you are is happy,  
there's no room for  
reality, is there?  
and all that's gonna happen  
is you're gonna  
you're gonna _have to fall..._

cause baby, they're _right  
_when they say it  
that what goes up -

_**(and you're so very high up)**_

- must always_always_ come back down.


	22. gryffindor

**Disclaimer: **it's still jkr's, it will ALWAYS be hers, so quit suing me:)

**Character:** scorpius malfoy

**A/N**: i don't like writing nextgen stories. i don't feel like i know the characters that well. but... well, for some reason i want to write this anyway:p

**A/N2:** i wouldn't have written draco like this if it wasn't necessary; he's one of my favorite characters, but i needed him to be mean in this.

* * *

your mother's pride and joy,  
and your father's **last desperate hope**.  
scorpius, scorpius  
aren't you going to tell them  
that you're not the little man they think you are?

cause scorpius,  
you cry at night sometimes  
even though _((only girls are supposed to cry))  
((don't you want to make me p r o u d, son?))_

but that's all you've ever wanted to do,  
just to make your daddy proud.

it's **suffocating**, scorpius, isn't it?  
trying to be so perfect for everyone, all the time.  
don't you sometimes just want to scream it,  
that you're _not your father_.

but no, you never tell them  
you do what you can to  
prove you're worth his time.  
and you throw yourself in your books,  
so you can be  
the smartest, the best  
what your father _never _was -

_your quiet little rebellion._

and you get angrier and angrier  
every year  
and then you're eleven and you  
can finally get away, off to hogwarts,  
where you'll finally be enough for him.

but then you put on the ragged hat  
and it whispers things to you,  
beautiful/impossible things -

_((i see intelligence and creativity  
you could be a ravenclaw if you wanted))_

but that's the last thing you want, isn't it?

_((but wait - what's this?  
you're a courageous one, my boy  
there's potential for gryff-))_

but you cut it off there -  
you can't be a gryffindor, can you?  
you're a malfoy,  
and _he_ would hate you, hate you forever,  
you know he would.

slytherin is where you s h o u l d go,  
that's where your parents both were.  
and you debate with the hat for a moment more  
because you're torn between  
the different futures you see.

but then you make your decision,  
and as the hat cries to the world - to your father -

**"GRYFFINDOR!"**

your eyes are shining  
and your smile is bright and true  
because this is all that's ever really mattered.

not making _him_ proud;  
making yourself  
who you want to be.


	23. the poet in me talking

**pairing: **neville/luna

* * *

just a couple of misfits,  
those two. we all make fun of them.

_(and don't get me wrong; i'm not a bad  
person. i feel guilty about it, i don't  
want to hurt anyone.)  
(but if i don't do it, if i don't  
laugh at how bizarre they are,  
no one will like me.)_

but you know, when i'm  
not around my [real] friends,  
i like to talk to luna.  
she's funny and she says  
the most beautiful things sometimes.  
i'm a poet at heart  
_(why do you think i'm in ravenclaw?)  
_and she's just so lyrical.

and i've always thought neville is  
kind of cute.  
that shy, gentle way he has just  
gets me, i guess.

and i don't know if anyone else sees it,  
and it could just be  
the writer in me talking now.  
but i think those "freaks" are just  
absolutely _perfect_ for each other.

i mean, i'll never say anything;  
not to luna, not to neville,  
certainly not to my friends.

but just look at them - just look at them -  
and how can you deny it?


	24. stories in notebooks

**pairing: **pansy/astoria/blaise

**a/n: **my first attempt at a love triangle. concrit, please:)

* * *

**i.**  
she likes to sit up in the common room at night,  
tapping a pencil to her lip  
_(yes, a **pure**blood who uses muggle inventions)  
_and scribbling letters**&**lines**&**poems  
into a weary green notebook.

her eyes are big and silver,  
her hair wavy and blonde.  
her lips are a little thin, her nose a little big  
( _**"astoria, darling, you'll never catch a husband  
looking like that" **_is what her mother tells her )  
but she never really cared;  
cause she's not _looking_ for a man.

**ii**.  
blaise, he hasn't _got _any real hobbies -  
unless you want to count girls.  
flirting**_kissing_**touching**_loving_**  
anything to get their skin on his,  
anything so he can just taste them.

he noticed her one night when he was  
lying on the couch with another girl.

_( was it anna? tracy? daphne? )  
( there's a piece of him that hates how he  
doesn't remember their names )_

she was writing furiously,  
concentrating on that emerald notebok,  
pausing occasionally to glance into the dying fire.  
he couldn't keep his _eyes_ off her.

so he chased her, and he caught her;  
and he fooled himself into thinking  
he was in control of her.

but he didn't quite understand,  
because she was different - she  
wasn't always with him,  
even when he was pressed**against** her,  
as close as two people can get.

he didn't _get_ her.

**iii.**  
the boys liked to call her their _flower_.  
they tore her from her roots,  
their filthy hands all over her.

eventually she had to tell herself -  
**pansy, sweetheart, that's all they're _ever_ gonna want.  
get over it, baby, give it to them,  
and then _you_ can win.**

so she sidles up against them,  
touches their arms.  
and she kisses them and she  
sleeps with them, even when they  
aren't asking her to.

( **"why, pansy?" **)  
( **"oh, astoria, why not?" **)

she's never really _cared_ about any of them.  
no, she only has eyes for one person  
**[**other than the mirror**]**  
she spends hours/days/_weeks_ staring at  
_a s t o r i a **g r e e n g r a s s ,  
**_the writer,  
wondering what fills that battered book of poems.

**iv.**  
astoria knows what they want.  
she knows blaise craves her body,  
and pansy needs her heart.

it makes her _laugh_ sometimes -  
the way other people love her,  
even though she hates herself.

so she kisses blaise,  
and she dances with pansy.

but only at three in the morning,  
that's when she's _really_ alive.  
the only time anything matters to her,  
when she's up late at night,  
writing in her _ugly green notebook._


	25. crazy

**character: **cho chang

**a/n: **strangely obsessed with writing about cho chang lately, haha.

* * *

"that girl, she is a _mess._  
have you seen the way she walks around?  
like a ghost or something."

"yeah, but she's been _c r a z _y ever since -  
well_, you_ know, since  
(cedric.)"

"but don't say his name around her;;  
she **flips** out.  
i swear, this one time she  
ran out of the room crying.  
just because someone said  
_cedricdiggory."_

"her eyes have been red since last year,  
i don't think she's gone a single night  
without crying herself to sleep."

"well, maybe we should give her a break.  
i mean, they _were_ in l o v e or something."

_((she knows what they say about her,  
how crazy they think she is.  
and they're right, really, she's been absolutely  
insane ever since -  
ever since.  
but she doesn't care what they say,  
not at all.  
she's just waiting to get back to him.))_

_((because, you know,  
she's in l o v e .  
or something.))_


	26. reasons

**character: **padma patil

* * *

such a good liar, darling,  
aren't you?  
they all fall for it every time.

no matter what you're selling,  
someone's buying.

innocence, joy, repentance, laughter.  
you've perfected every tilt of the head,  
every twitch of the lips,  
ever batted eyelash and scuffed foot.

you know how to make them fall for it,  
_just_ how to convince them.

the right amount of hesitancy&&confidence,  
&&anger when they don't believe you.

of course, it's no _surprise_ they're willing to  
trust your lying words.  
they're so used to Perfect Parvati,  
the **gryffindor**, with her lion's roar  
and obnoxious honesty.  
and twins, they're identical, right?

it's easy to play off your sister,  
manipulate them.

(she once asked you why you  
have to lie so much.  
why you can't just tell the truth, for once.)

ironically, that was one of the few times you did.

(_parv_, you said, _parv, it's not  
like i have to. and really,  
i don't even want to.  
but lying, it's mine. it's not yours,  
it's not anyone's.  
it's just mine._)

she got it.  
that's why you two always get along,  
even though sometimes you hate each other.

cause you're sisters,  
and you're best friends,  
and you _get_ each other.


	27. ballerina

**character: **cho chang

**a/n: **strangely obsessed with writing about cho chang lately, haha.

* * *

she used to sneak away late at night -  
always had to be _late_. something  
special in being the only one awake,  
isn't there?  
anyway... she'd keep herself awake  
for hours && hours, til  
the other girls in her dormitory were breathing,  
soft and even and deep.

then she'd slip out.  
(she was smart - a ravenclaw, through and through)  
in the beginning, it was a game, creative,  
sneaking around tapestries and prefects;  
then she learned how to do a disillusionment charm,  
and she used that.

so she'd flee to the seventh floor,  
make three rounds,  
and it would be there.

her very own dance studio.  
that was her big secret, you see;  
the one thing she always kept for herself.

cho chang, she was a dancer,  
and she dreamed of being a _real_ ballerina someday.  
cause flying, that was everyone's to see. and you know,  
her whole life, they told her,  
_be a professional quidditch player._  
but no one ever was allowed to know  
about her dancing.

all the way up until her fifth year,  
she kept it secret.  
and then she showed _h i m_,  
because she trusted him to understand.  
and he did.  
she danced for that boy,  
all night long.

_((cho stopped dancing  
after cedric died.))_


	28. werewolf

**character: **fenrir greyback

**a/n: **i got this idea after reading fenrir's chapter in "6" by shh-it's-an-alias. (:

* * *

monster, monster,  
who are you?  
it's so easy for them to  
condemn you.

_(murderer.)_

but they don't understand -  
this is all you  
have left.

only four when  
the beastie got you,  
and you've still got the  
scar.

_(there, on his left forearm.  
no wonder he never got the dark mark.  
that looks brutal.)_

oh, lonely boy,  
you grew up hated and feared,  
it was only natural for you  
to fall into their expectations.

they decided you were a monster;;  
and so you became one.  
it was the easy path, rest assured,  
but that didn't matter to you.  
fighting them would have been pointless,  
and so you let them decide your fate.

that was decades ago,  
and now, you are facing  
the end of your life  
as they play god and  
decide your destiny  
with the point of a finger.

_(life in azkaban. he's disgusting.)_

you laugh when they say it,  
almost foaming at the mouth,  
simply because you know it will scare them.

**...**

when the door of your cell  
swings shut and they're  
gone, out of earshot,  
you break down and sob.

because they never seem to remember:  
you may be a murderer,  
but somewhere deep inside  
you remain the shunned little boy  
bleeding on the street,  
alone and afraid.

they say things like,

_(he should never have been born.)_

they don't understand  
that you agree.


	29. cheater

**Disclaimer: **I am still a teenage girl living in the US. Therefore, I would consider it logical to assume I have no rights to the

**Pairing: **Lee Jordan && Ginny Weasley

* * *

oh, he was _wrong_,  
he was so_so_ wrong, in a way harry  
never could be.

you knew it was **bad  
**to be with him  
(especially now)  
because you, you had  
responsibilities, darling.

but how could you _resist_ him,  
with his fingers trailing fire down your skin,  
and his eyes piercing you,  
sharp and brown.

you _loved_ to say his name  
**lee - lee - lee  
LEE - LEE - LEE - LEE  
**lee jordan,  
it felt so good to say that.

he was handsome && strong && funny  
& he wanted you, so _bad_

and harry just didn't, anymore  
and the house was so big and empty and lonely,  
with the kids away at school

and harry on his raids and jobs  
(with his "_friends"_)

oh, face it, darling,  
you weren't happy and neither was he.

and lee was just so _wrong_,  
but you were finally happy with him,  
for the first time in years.

and that had to count for _something._


	30. snow queen

**a/n: **not a true hiatus breaker. just had to get it out of my head.

mmkay. characters: astoria greengrass & random nameless admirer (written with blaise in mind, because i'm obsessing over this pairing) (blaise, in my mind, bears a striking resemblance to this amazing guy i know, haha.)

anywayysss. warning: contains a bit of language.

* * *

astoria greengrass,  
little miss picture perfect.  
the very image of purity,  
beauty, the lovely virgin,  
and so on and so forth and  
_shut your bloody mouth_, yeah?

oh, merlin, he simply loathed the way  
they went on and on about  
the little slag.

he knew her for what she was -  
a tease, a cheat,  
an ice queen who would blow her  
snowy kisses at anyone who shot her a  
second glance.

yeah, she was nothing but a  
cold, arrogant bitch,  
a slytherin to the core,

[oh, but merlin, he loved that girl.]


	31. like moonlight

**A/N: **WARNING! WARNING! this chapter is RATED M! darksubjectmatterahead. treadcarefully.

**characters**: Luna Lovegood & Lucius Malfoy.

**timeperiod: **DH.

* * *

he took a common kitchen knife  
& chopped off a strand of her hair.  
_"like moonlight_," he said, _"like starlight_."

(and who would have thought? but  
it turns out lucius malfoy is a poet.)

for years after that, she shuddered at the sight  
of shafts of pale light streaming through  
her bedroom windows, late at night when  
she couldn't sleep. (because  
she could _never_ sleep, thanks to the nightmares  
he left behind.)

above all else, she remembers his eyes,  
really. he always begged her to close her own,  
but she refused. it was the one thing she had,  
the only thing she could claim for her own,  
when she was chained up in his beautiful house  
and he was there with her.

she told herself, _be strong, luna. for you,  
you are watching a demon at work,  
and you are not afraid_.

she thought maybe he was ashamed of himself,  
somewhere inside, & wanted to hide from her  
accusing gaze. but it wasn't a good enough  
excuse for all that he did.

(she could have forgiven the torture  
and she probably could have forgiven the cruel words  
the dirty names, the starvation, the usual  
antics of an overgrown bully.

but she could not, could not _ever_ forgive him  
for the whispered "_i love you_" as he left his  
pure handprints on her  
while she hung from chains  
in the pits of hell.)

the evening after she was  
spirited away by harry potter  
she sat on the beach and cried  
for the first time in six years,  
fell to pieces in the cool night air,  
unable to believe that she was free of him,  
free,

and her hair was like moonlight, like starlight.


	32. dear fred

**pairing: **ginny/lee; some ginny/fred sibling stuff

**explanation**: a letter from ginny to fred after his death. i dunno where this came from, but enjoy. [:

* * *

**dear fred.**

you know, fred, most girls dream about their first _i love you_  
and imagine it with a handsome boy  
with gentle eyes and a warm touch,  
with fire in his heart and honesty in his words.  
(maybe a boy like you.)

and of course, i'm guilty of just that -  
i often thought, growing up, that my moment  
would be with... well, it's embarrassing, but  
i always thought it would be with harry.

in my fantasies, we were always sitting at  
the site of our first date (which varied between  
a romantic restaurant and the beach at sunset)  
and he took my hand and whispered - stumbling  
just a bit over his words - _ginevra molly weasley,  
i, well, i love you. with all my heart._

and i'd smile and say something back,  
the perfect blend of witty and sweet.  
yes, i'd dream of that moment. whenever i was  
fighting with mum or one of you boys,  
that was where i went; where i felt safe.

but i was more surprised than anyone else  
when someone said those words to me  
for the very first time. not with harry, but with  
lee jordan, tall, strong, funny, but certainly no potter.  
and it was nothing like my dreams.

it was three in the morning and i was fifteen and a sad insomniac. sitting in the front yard of the burrow waiting for the rest of the world to awaken so i could fall asleep. and suddenly out comes lee, age eighteen, in nothing but ragged shorts because you know how hot it gets in july. he looked at me (and i swear he blushed, fred, but it was dark out and he's black so i really can't prove anything). but that's when i remembered i was only wearing one of dad's old shirts as a nightgown, and then i blushed like mad because it was _lee_, and of course i'd known him years but that didn't mean i wanted him seeing me like that. so i said _hey lee _and he said _hey ginny couldn't sleep?_ and i nodded and we were quiet for awhile and then all of a sudden he was close to tears and fred, did you know his older sister died that summer? said he didn't know her as well as he would have liked. (after the final battle i came back to this moment a lot, wondering if it would have been different were our roles reversed. me telling him about you, and him taking me in his arms, letting the tears fall.) so we sat there and he sobbed and then we just talked until the sun was rising and i was yawning and so was he, and i suggested _let's go inside_ because i finally could feel sleep approaching. he agreed and helped me up (because by then we were lying side-by-side on the too-long grass) and we walked to the door. just before he opened he looked at me and said matter-of-factly _ginny, you know i love you, right? because i really love you_. i blushed some more and stuttered a bit before settling on _well thank you, lee, but -_ he cut me off and said _i'm not asking you for an answer, i just wanted you to know, _and then we went inside.

we never really talked about it, afterwards,  
fred, and i know neither of us ever told. not even you.  
i never even mentioned it to bill.

but in the next few years, lee and i became  
best friends. i know you saw that, and so did george,  
because you apparently confronted lee about it,  
or so he told me.

but i just wanted to tell you now, fred,  
because i miss you too much, too much,  
and i didn't want you (wherever you are, because you can't be  
completely gone) to think that i was lying  
or holding anything back.

merlin, fred, i miss you, and i love you, and why did you have to go?

**love, ginny.**


	33. firebrand

**disclaimer: **as right-less as ever.  
**an.** i dunno. watching skins. thinking a lot about ... well, this is just on my mind, so i turned it into lily. (random. just thinking - it's funny, because i don't particularly like lily, not canon lily. and yet she's the character i identify with myself most strongly, the one i've twisted the most.)

**character: **lily evans  
**dlakjsdf: **meh. kind of delirous/hysterical sounding. whatever. so she was drunk when she wrote it, haha.

* * *

growing up, i was  
firebrand, jumping off swings,  
diving into the deep end before  
i learned to swim,  
daring boys to hit me  
(i really just wanted to  
escape petunia's shadow,  
but i never did)

my parents never really noticed,  
they didn't like me as much as  
they liked _her_, not until i  
was special.

xXx

and then i got there,  
to hogwarts,  
to home and safety and  
romances by the fire  
where no one could tell me  
i was just like my sister.

but i wasn't satisfied  
never satisfied

so i started to smoke  
and then drinking was  
a natural step to take  
and soon all i wanted  
was to tumble further down  
the hill, away from  
my perfect older sister and  
her boyfriend's eyes.

xXx

so the whole world saw me  
as _firebrand lily_  
emerald eyes and rosy cheeks  
but shaky hands  
because i needed my nicotine

xXx

and then came james  
with his warm hands and  
optimistic smile  
he tried to make me stop  
smoking, but i said _no_

xXx

we got married  
we had a son  
harry, my harry

xXx

and then i was  
mrs. potter,  
and i hated it because

i never wanted to be,  
i wanted to be lily, just lily

xXx

but i've always been  
their firebrand


	34. to break a heart

**character: **molly weasley, age eighteen

**pairing: **lucius/molly/arthur

**an. **goes back a bit to a oneshot i wrote a few months ago, "shoebox." you don't need to have read it, though; just what inspired me. sort of.

* * *

and so she fell to pieces  
because she wanted so badly to be happy  
with him, lucius,  
the man she knew so well.

she wanted to love him  
the way she was supposed to love him

but the problem, the problem,  
(because there always has to be a problem,)  
was arthur, who loved muggle inventions  
and had no money and no history

arthur, who talked with her  
late into the night  
when lucius had nothing to say.

that weasley boy, with his beautiful eyes  
and tinkerer's hands,  
he knew how to hold on a conversation

and by then, lucius was all hands  
maybe even all heart  
and it was killing them both

and molly knew, molly knew  
that she was going to break someone's heart  
and all she wanted  
was to save them both  
by breaking her own instead

and she was lost,  
she didn't know  
she never knew

what she was supposed to do


End file.
